Jokes That Only Service Dog Handlers Will Think Are Funny

     We've all heard the crazy questions and comments that people just seem to spew out of their mouths when we bring our Service Dogs in public.  You know the ones. "What is that dog doing in here?", "You're not allowed in here with that thing.", "Look mommy, a pony!", "But you're not blind...", "Aww are you training her for someone?", "Oh crap, a drug dog!", "Why can't I pet her? Will she bite?", "What's wrong with you?", "I wish my children behaved that well...","Can you train my dog, too?", "But you don't look disabled..", etc. So here's a few Service Dog jokes to cheer you up and make you forget all about the idiots in the world. Or not..


Person: "Is that a Mastiff?"
Handler: "Um, no - She's a Great Dane."
Person: " I didn't know they were allowed to be Service Dogs.. What does she do?"
Handler: "She prevents panic attacks, stops flashbacks, and helps with mobility."
Person: "Oh - so what's wrong with your vision?"

Person: (talking to their child) "Look at that dog, he helps that lady see."
Handler:(talking to SD) "Ugh...sorry Addy, you just got sex changed again."

Person: "How old is the service dog?"
Handler: "She's 11 months."
Person: "Wont it be hard to give her up when she's done training?"
Handler: "She's for me..."

Person: *jumps in front of handler and waives their hand in their face*
Handler: "What in the heck are you doing?"
Person: "You can see that? I was testing to see if you were really blind."
Handler: "By waiving your hand in my face??"
Person: "I didn't think you could see me."

Employee: "Is that a licensed dog?"
Handler: "No, she only has her learner's permit since she forgets to use the clutch when shifting."

Employee: "You cant have your dog in here, Ma'am"
Handler: "Um, I believe the correct wording to your question is, "Is that a service dog?"

Person: "If you're blind, how can you drive a car?'
Handler: "It's one bark for left, two barks for right. And bites my ear to brake."

Person: "What branch of the service was your dog in?"
Handler: "Isn't it obvious? Navy. She is a salty dog and a Navy Seal."
Person: "Cool!"

Person: "Is that a blind dog?"
Handler: "No, she sees just fine, thank you."

Child: "Mommy -- look!! A doggy."
Mom: "Now little Johnny, what have I told you about saying things that aren't true. No dogs are allowed in here."
Child: "But Mommy - there is a dog. It's right there" (pointing at you)
Mom: "Johnny, stop it. There are no dogs in here."
Child: "Mommy - it's right there by the milk." (as you are walking away from the milk and disappear from sight)
Mom: (finally turning around) "I told you that there are no dogs in here."
Child: "But Mommy, I saw it. I really did!"

Child: "Mommy -- Mommy -- Mommmmmmmmyyyyyy....loooooook - that lady dressed her doggy up as a horse on Halloween. He is wearing a saddle."

Man asking librarian in a frantic voice "When did the state start issuing drivers licenses to blind people?" - The man had just witnessed a Service Dog handler wearing sunglasses get in her car and drive away.

Store owner: "No dogs allowed, you are not disabled."
Handler: "Do you need proof?"
Store owner; "Yes, I need proof."
I walked to the window and pointed at my car and said: "Do you see the license plates? That is my car.."

Child to mom: "Mom, why does that woman have a dog in the store?"
Mom to child: "She's blind and the dog helps her see."
Child to mom: "But she's looking at her phone..."
Mom to child: "Well, that's because she has the dog with her!"
Child to mom: "Oooooh!"

Person: "I had a Great Dane just like that one. He was so smart. They're great dogs"
Handler: "That's cool."
Person: "He died."
Handler: "I am sorry to hear that."
(Why random people feel the need to stop me and tell me about their dog - and tell me their dog died, I am not sure)

Person: "Can my child pet your dog?"
Handler: "Can I pet your child?"
Person: "Freak!!" --{and runs away screaming down the aisle - dragging child after her and saying to child: "Never talk to strangers and never ask someone to pet their service dog!")
   Lesson learned!

Person: "I want a dog just like him!"
Handler: "I'll give you the disabilities to go with the dog"

Person: "Oh, what a beautiful dog. Are you training him?"
Handler: "No, she is mine."
Person: "Oh.. uh... so, what's wrong with you?"
Handler: "How were the results of your last (prostate or mammogram) tests?"
Person: "What?! That's personal."
Handler: "Yeah - so is asking me what my disability is.."

Person: "Is that one of them blind dogs?"
Handler: "I certainly hope not!"

Person: "It's amazing how they know!"
Handler: "It's amazing how you don't realize they're trained and it's not magic."

Person: "Oh, but you don't look blind."
Handler: "I'm not. She's for PTSD/Mobility."
Person: "Oh."

Retail store worker reaches down and pets service dog, stating: "Pet the working dog, pet the working dog"
Service dog handler reaches up and starts patting the man on his hair: "Pet the working man, pet the working man"

Hope you enjoyed today's blog! I've had a rough week and needed some light-heartedness in my life. :)